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Strangest Comp Claim Ever?

Dear Boss,

I write this note to you to tell you of my plight and at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight; my body is all black and blue, my face a deadly grey. And I hope you’ll understand why Paddy’s not at work today. I was working on the 14th floor, some bricks I had to clear; And throwin’ ’em down from such a height was not a good idea; the foreman wasn’t pleasant, he being an awful sod; and he said I’d have to take them down the ladder in my hod. Well, clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so awful slow; so I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below; but in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see that a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me. So I went down to cut the rope and the barrel feel like lead; and clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead; I shot up like a rocket, and to my surprise I found that halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down. Well, the barrel struck my shoulder as to the ground it sped. And when I reached the top I hit the pulley with my head; I spun around, all stunned and shocked, from this almithy blow, while the barrel spilled out half the bricks, 14 floors below. Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor, I then outweighed the barrel, and I started down once more; still clinging tightly to the rope, I headed towards the ground, and feel upon the building bricks that we still scattered ’round. Now as soon as I had hit the ground, I thought I’d passed the worst, when the barrel hit the pully and then the bottom burst; a shower of bricks fell down on my; I hadn’t got a hope, and as I was losing consciousness, I let go the bloody rope. Well, the barrel – now being heavier – it started down once more, struck across me smartly as I lie there on the floor; it broke some ribs and my left arm, and I can only say, I hope you understand why Paddy’s not at work today. 

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